Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
