FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
