he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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