She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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