lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
