dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
