Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
