you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
