Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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