mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
