I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
