We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
