Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
