Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
