I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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