sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
