do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
