I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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