I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
