Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
