I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
