Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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