new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
