I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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