Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We got so high we made milksteak
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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