Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
