i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
