I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
