You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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