There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
