I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
