I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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