I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
