Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Shame - the story of my life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
