mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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