you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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