Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
