Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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