If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
