I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
