I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
