My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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