My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
