my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
