if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
