I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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