How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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