This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
