You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
