i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
