Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
