He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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