glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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